Uplift and Mend

Find Your Mid-Point

Every other Wednesday, learn how to find your mid-point on the path of healing to thriving while living with complex trauma.

“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health;

safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.”

-Bessel A. van der Kolk

Hi friend,

I hope this week's Mid-Point inspires you to take a moment to appreciate the support and connection you have in your life.

Mid-Point

I was recently asked for advice about how to support someone living with complex trauma. Here, I offer 5 suggestions. Most notably, they all share a common denominator: Connection.

Connection to self, others, and the world is lost to those of us who live with CPTSD. Our healing journey incorporates establishing this lost connection.

How to Support Someone Living With CPTSD

1. Research CPTSD for Perspective

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Complex PTSD (CPTSD) are familiar terms, but not widely understood. When supporting someone living with trauma, it is helpful to know what you are dealing with. Taking some time to read about the condition will help deepen your understanding about the challenges of living with it. Greater understanding can offer greater support opportunities.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) is a type of trauma. It develops as a protective response to prolonged, repeated, recurring, or chronic exposure to inescapable traumatic events. It is different from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in that PTSD is typically associated as a response to a single traumatic event or experience. CPTSD is associated with multiple traumatic events. The degree of severity can vary and it is recognized as a brain injury.

Building connection through: Understanding

2. Offer Safety

Healing can feel like a lonely process. Those living with complex trauma struggle with identifying, creating, and feeling safety. We learned to believe the world is not safe, other people are not safe, we are not safe. We do not feel safe being vulnerable.

Therefore, be a safe, reliable, and trustworthy presence. Affirm your place as a safe person and safe space to be open, vulnerable, seen, heard, and trusted. Encourage speaking one's truth (i.e. I am scared, I am mad, I am happy, etc.) Often times, it is too difficult for us to identify what we are feeling, much less communicate our underlying, core feelings and emotions.

Building connection through: Presence

3. Practice Active Listening

Active listening is holding full attention and engagement in a conversation as a means to intentionally understand what the person is saying.

Those living with complex trauma don't always feel seen, heard, or validated. Practice listening with kindness, empathy, curiosity, and compassion. At the same time, listen without judgment.

Asking questions to encourage sharing and paraphrase (repeat) what they are telling you. This will affirm you are actively present and validating the importance of what they are saying.

Building connection through: Engagement and Validation

4. Acknowledge Healing Takes Time

Understand the healing process is not linear and the time frame for healing is not one-size-fits-all. The brain and body both process trauma in their own timeframes, because they inherently know how to prioritize their healing (when given the opportunity).

Patiently support the person's effort to feel better, recover, and heal. Don't try to rush them to recover and certainly don't ask or try to change them. Don't try to fix or solve their problems or push advice on to them. Just affirm you are there in the best supportive capacity you can be.

Building connection through: Patience

5. Establish (and Maintain) Healthy Boundaries

Your wellbeing matters too.

Triggers (stimuli) and dysregulation (reactions) are common occurrences when living with complex trauma. They are silent, sneaky, and can surface anytime. Sometimes the person does not recognize they are triggered, even if they are dysregulated.

When a person is triggered and dysregulated, their brain (cerebral cortex) is "hijacked" and their cognitive abilities are impaired. The brain reverts to the brain age at the time of the trauma experience.

It is difficult to not take it personally. Under no circumstances should you ever endure any type of mistreatment. You are supporting someone's wellbeing and healing, not an opportunity to be taken advantage. Maintaining your boundaries in a way that is healthy for you relays the value you and your support offer, and your right to be respected.

Building connection through: Boundaries

Re-cap

Creating and cultivating connection is the single most important action I can recommend for supporting an individual living with complex trauma. Here are 5 suggestions:

1. Research CPTSD for perspective - Building connection through: Understanding

2. Offer safety - Building connection through: Presence

3. Practice Active Listening - Building connection through: Engagement and Validation

4. Acknowledge healing takes time - Building connection through: Patience

5. Establish and maintain healthy boundaries - Building connection through: Boundaries

Where to Find Help

​https://www.nami.org/your-journey/family-members-and-caregivers/​

(No sponsorship or affiliation)

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